Resevoirs of Pain
Sep 17th, 2008 by richard
The pain of countless dark episodes fills my chest, the world around me forms a miasmatic cloud, feelings threaten to implode or burst out in violence and… I thank God for the abundance of energy! I filter it through my quill and bleed nectar onto the page.
Memories of childhood abuse rampage through my veins. The trigger might be a name overheard in a conversation, an article in the paper or the smell of ole factory. My body trembles at the assault as rapine thoughts colonise me and… I thank God for the plenty because the throb of my terror is malleable and I make it into a Roman script fit for Oscar.
The angst born of 10,000 rejections sets up camp in my dizzy belly until the dizzy turns terrible and the terrible screams from the inside of my skull, ‘Run, run, f**king run… ’ To be honest, a small part of me does run – out of the seat and out of the building – but a Bigger Self stays. It steps up and… I thank God for my terror because I am making a courage-cake, and terror is the vital ingredient.
When the ache of loss trembles across my surface and my agony is leagues deep and profligate, I am again grateful to God because my reservoir of pain is the portal to a prolific life.
I am not successful despite my pain, I am successful because of it.
Whilst others may drown in their dark lake, I throw back a grateful pail and draw my fill.
Be well
Geoff Thompson