The Jeremy Kyle Experience
Oct 8th, 2007 by Geoff
Some people are successful and happy. Others are not. Why?
Why is it that some can turn a dark past into a bright present whilst others just end up getting head-butted on the Jeremy Kyle show?
My questions were triggered by a friend of mine, a fellow writer, who once accused me of being successful simply because I was lucky. His censure pissed me off. I was very angry, not least because luck is something you associate with gambling and I do not play the odds. I am a man that sits for thousands of hours at a computer and punches my lottery onto the screen.
Anyway, it was my anger that got me to thinking. Why is that two people from similar backgrounds, in an identical employ, end up on disparate rungs of the success ladder?
After a brief mentation I reached a conclusion, of sorts, a philosophy if you will. I figured that the only difference between me and my fellow scribe was not in the degree of luck we had each experienced, rather it was the breadth of our individual life perspectives. He charged his bad luck with impediment, I used every experience as grist. He saw the world as his nemesis, I viewed the whole universe as my fellow conspirator. His marriage breakdown, custody problems and health issues were re-cycled into worthy blames and justifiable causes for his paltry existence. My childhood sexual abuse, manic depression, acrimonious divorce (and a litany of betrayal, crime, violent death – lots of violent death – self-harm and illness) were rich veins that I cathartically bled onto the page.
We had both lived difficult, one might say colourful lives, and whilst history demands precedence in our past we do get to decide how we live our present.
While I chose to use my profligate back-story as a reservoir for ripe material, he chose the road of self pity and blame.
And that is my philosophical gist. Choice!
I know it’s not Goethe and it’s certainly not Gurdjieff, but it keeps me in the game, it keeps me on the pay-roll and best of all it keeps me off the Jeremy Kyle show.
Geoff Thompson.
Those that are happiest in life are the ones that take the most responsibility for what happens in life. Most men chalk up anything good that happens as their influence, while anything bad as luck. Successful people though, chalk the good up as luck and the bad as their responsibility.
Very interesting article, and indeed “some people are successful & happy. others are not why?” and one I experienced, lived through lost, hit rock bottom, to come out on the other end, with a very different view point of Success & Happinnes. And I am only a “White Belt 8 kyu”…maybe” Yellow &th Kyu” by now on my whole new success perspective, and its very exciting, because at 35 years old the new new me, God Willing, has many years to pass the grades and grow in his new success ideal.
Let me explain, and I hope my personal story, (me me me me I am so cool! LOL!!.well I hope it does not read like this, shows a good point.
After about 23 years of age, when I realised I could not sign a note (despite my mother being the Irish girl next door image, in the 70s hold the all time record of 14 weeks winning non stop on Opportunity Knocks & lots of BBC & ITV shows for years after, and many years as a professional singer, they say talent skips a generation…certainly true in my experience!) nor play the bass guitar too good, and Iron Maiden nor AC/DC would not be calling to hire me as their new rock n roll star.
I cut my hair, and decided I wanted to be a millionaire and that cash and money was the only God worth praying too, and Millions of Cash God, some day would come in the form of my own business. Where I would be a cigar chomping big shot, others would work for me, and I could hold court in the local pub so rich, the envy of all men, and the lusty dream of all women. Whose the guy in Coronation Street since I was a kid with the underwear factory , Mike Baldwin??? Something like Him, crombie over coat too!
I spent all my time in the libaray, reading what “Success Books” I could find, business books, and autobios of the rich and famous. Always drawn to the poor boy becomes rich. See even though me mother was “famous” me granny & grand dad brought me up on a pension, (mother did not want me spoiled), and as hard a grafting, clip on the ear, Irish Catholic rural, Angels Ashes, mass every morning at Church, in a little village in the North East called Blayney for short right on the Border with N Ireland. Yes, you right, it is the one just over the border from Crossmaglen, and No before anyone asks…I am not in Thailand now, cause I am a provo on the run!
Long story short, 3 years of reading, and low paid sales jobs, I got my “break” and a trainee job as an IT Recruiter for a massive UK IT Recruitment firm. Within 6 weeks, I set a company record, and was an total rising star, take Georgie Best RIP from football, and put him in IT Recruitment, making more sales than anyone ever and commission of over 100K a year. Heaven had arrived, the money rolled, I worked harder, devoured Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy and all other Self Help Success books & CDs I could get me hands on to make more LOVELY GOD MONEY! I lived good but saved more, as I had a dirty Ace Card up my sleeve. Within 2 years after breaking many sales records, and being a mighty big shot! I had handed my notice in, and marched out the door, full of fire & attitude, to set up my own company!
The big shot was getting bigger even and was ME ME ME, more MONEY MONEY MONEY. Maybe 28 years old, & if one did not have at least 1 MILLION IRISH POUNDS CASH by 30 years of age, then they had totally failed in life, had messed up, lazy, and not worthy of my company. In fact, at this stage, if you too, did not want to be a MILLIONAIRE like me, I hardly would have said hello! (what a prick!). Anyway I had not time, I had to work 14 – 16 hours a day to make money, and idle chatter about who Celtic were playing Saturday, just got in the way.
Hey, and more Success too! Passed ny 3rd Dan in Mugendo Kickboxing under Professor George Canning, (actually on here, some great almost 100 newspaper scans for the developed for Karate in Ireland, Wado Ryu to Mugendo Kickboxing almost 20 years of it on George site, look here http://www.worldmugendouniversity.com). I even had a big article in Fighters Magazine, Peter Lewis had Colour Photos of me. And I best of all, I “Starred” in the same issue as one of my Self Defense role models…Geoff Thompson!! I mean I was totally hitting it on all fronts, life could only get better and better… of course what we really mean, is more MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY! At this stage I almost went into a Sexual Frenzy of Heated Passion when I would check my bank statement balance which was at least 10 times per day, I got such a high. Soon I would get the bastard Branson, I mean he was not a real success in business, he was a toff, he did not really work for it like me, and he had no balls, see I knew he would be not good in a bar fight, so add in that, he did not really count, he was not a real man! and to be successful you had to be a real man too!
Ok, I ll cut this short!!! I almost made half the million!!! I might just scrape it by, at 30, I mean I had until 1 day before 31 years old, which gave me 3 years to get the million, and I was going to get it. More Tony Robbins, more seminars, more writing goals, more visualization, and just to make sure, and to reinforce it. I mean Tony Robbins did say to talk about your “Goals” all the time, so for good measure, I made sure I told all who would listen how “Successful” I was, and this was just Start!! I would make the Sunday Times Rich List! “Bandit Country Boy Brilliant with Billions”… for sure I could see it! The world owed it to me, I was just so great! (man, I must have been a serious pain in the butt in those days!!! LOL!).
EMERGENCY!!! Read On…. you will all love this bit!
The money was made supplying Software Engineers to Dot Com companies, us all high on success. DOT COM soon became DOT BOMB, and within a few months, everything had ground to a halt. No more work, clients who loved me, were not telling us to “get lost, do not call again!” and a week later we would read their Rising Star Dot Com worth 6 Zillion on the stock market, even though they did not make a penny of income and had no real product, had gone BANG, BUST! out of business, and did I mention, what about the 100K of invoices you owe me!!! I even assumed a Lock Stock & Two Smoking BS Bullet Tooth Tony Alter Ego, and started going debt collecting for me money to Computer Nerds, who shivered at my cold staring eyes, 1000 euro suit, almost broken nose (only bit of non success, never got it properly broken at kickboxing…I mean, you were not a really successful kickboxer unless you had a Broken Nose!! maybe I was too good..yeah thats why I was never full bent with a punch! see more Success!), & my well rehearsed double meaning speel, and boy did that Northern Irish twang in my accent, really add to it. Never got me the money though!!!
I knew success would be mine, and I worked on, more and more Tony Robbins. Whacked my own cash in to pay the staff, I knew Dot Com would be back soon stronger than ever and I would regain my cash.
Ok fast forward!! Within 18 months, it had gone all wrong, I was down to one staf who was addicted to porn on the net (I hate porn on the net) and I was addicted to booze, an alcoholic (but I did not know it) and a very heavy habit of white line fever.(and white line fever is not cheap, please do not do it, and very expensive, especially when you need it for breakfast daily). My one staff was making me money, so I gave up on his porn, and prended not to notice, after all he covered for me when I would be on the booze & chaz binge & appear into work shattered on Wednesday lunch time, do an afternoons work, teach a self defense class, and after a whacking hard hard work day Thursday, when the catholic guild over the 5 day binge to tuesday would fade….
“it’s was not that bad, I would say, sure its only a bit of fun and I ll stop soon. I worked hard today, Ah its Thursday evening, sure a man needs a bit of fun, and no one really work fridays” Off I went, another rip roaring booze binge, with the “party people”. (amazing how they all disappear when you really bottom out). 4 or 5 days of “fun”, a terrible hellish day of Catholic Guilt, with non stop bad bad bad internal self talk/bad internal dialogue, (see all the “motivation tricks” can back fire on you too, when things turn bad, like self talk/internal dialogue).
Where was all my Success now? Where had all the Money gone? Money God had deserted me. Now I was bitter, twisted, defeatist, angry, very angry, poor me, I get no luck in life, its not fair, why does bad things always happen to me. More beer will make me happy!
In fact my “success” as in all the contacts I had & 1000s euro of training for my long gone staff, had headed up the road under the arm of my porn addicted final employee, who jumped ship for a better “job” (I often wonder why he used to ignore me in the street before I left Ireland for a new life in Thailand in Dec 2005). In fact he told me he was only leaving to “teach me a lesson”, and wake me up about my boozing,so I could save myself, and become the great man, I was, in fact he told me, him going to the competition for a new job, he was doing me a favour, and it would help me! I was so broken and depressed, bitter,sorry for myself, I had tears in my eyes which rolled down my cheeks, as he told me this, I felt so sorry for myself, and so touched & emotional he cared so much for me, and believed in me, I would be soon again a great rich success. I actually believed his leaving me, was a show of his loyality in me, & his belief in me, that I would be a “Success” again, he was leaving me & my job to “save” and I even believed would return to work for me soon. As he left, I cried more and sobbed (first time crying in front of an adult since, I got my tooth cracked, and KO’ed by an adult in kickboxing sparring when I was 15!), I thanked him for doing this to “save me”, & for his belief in me. I even promised him a partnership & shares, when I would turn things around, & he would come back from the better job on way more money in the competition, to join me. “Success” & Money some day soon. 2 days later I found out, he had stolen my database, & copied all my training materials, & poached all the few clients I had, & candidates too. Was I on a downer then.
I have a bio written here on Geoffs Blog! Ops! Buy since the question was asked about success, I felt this was worth sharing.
2005 was a joke, I worked 2 or 3 days if I could. I drank more, and I think I threw the cards in pretty much. I was angry, bitter, self pityful, depressed, stuck in a hole, confused, I could not understand what happened the keen, eager, nice, young guy, who worked so hard for that UK IT Recruitment company, made them so much money so fast, (and I did great too), and all these sharp London bosses, telling me how brilliant I was. I had F**K IT up massively.
Even though in all honesty, I can say with the exception of just once at 21 when I did start a fight, I never started a fight during this period of defeat, lost success, failure, drunken self pity, remorse, but I became very good at Finish Fights always with people bigger and harder. I got off on hitting big hard “want to be’s”, on the edges of criminal under world types of looser, palm strikes on the face, and blasting them about sleazy late night, lock in after hours boozing Dublin nightclubs, with Lee Morrison style cupped hand slaps to the ear drums, and knees to the face. In I was such a failure by now, I really felt, a bitter angry failure, I was a looser, and F**K up success, a has been, and so angry at any young business man who passed me out; in my drunken happy party, I convinced myself I was on a “mission from god” (now thats the real God, not the money false god), my “mission from god’ was to stand up for the weak guy who could not defend himself, so since I got picked on alot by big bullies (see despite my inner sadness & depression, on the outside I was a “happy drunk” and also got picked on for laughing and joking). Anyway I rationalized Geoff Thompson, said criminals “interview” people, so they know they can beat them before they attack, and since I never threw the first punch, but thanks to a “crazy monkey” and a forward blast, of palms, slaps, knees, elbows, and bites to the neck even, I would down the monster bullies, and strike a victory for the weak lad, and God, and maybe my battering down, these big criminal underworld hanger ons, I was “saving” a young innocent lad from getting a kicking the next night! See I was a “Success” at something, but a very very very unhappy success! I was always a big Fan of Bon Scott of AC/DC & our own Philip Lynott of Thin Lizzy both of whom died young in mid 30s from booze & things, and I would morbidly listen to their songs, and envy them for being so luck to have escaped their booze problems, and hoped some day I would be so lucky to never wake up again! Interesting through all of this, I was able to somehow keep 4 nights of self defense, krav maga, or kickboxing hard training going… I can never figure that one out, of course I hardly would have sparring gloves off, until I would be in the nearest boozer.
Roll on, 2 more paras and I ll be gone!
In late 2005, some I knew who was in the internet biz, suggested with internet phones, I could work my job into europe, (skype.com and the likes) and since my job or what was left of it was 95% on phone & email, as an experiment in global teleworking and lifestyle, invited me to come live in Thailand to try this out. Nothing to loose, and all to gain I jumped at the chance! After all, it was only going to be a matter of time, before I battered the wrong criminal want to be on my “mission from God”, who may decide to put a hit on me, and I figure if Thailand did not work out, I would come back to Ireland, check into a nut house and get off booze some how. This was a life line, and I jumped at it.
Now late 2007 almost 2 years later, I can tell you the Bolivian march powder is a distant memory of a hellish few years back, I have not touched a drink Thank God since 2006, I admitted I had a drink problem and went to AA to get off drink. I had a tough Boston Irish American sponsor (damn, he even had a proper broken nose, why did mine never crack properly at kickboxing!), who had a colourful criminal past, and sober 30 years, not only off drink 30 years, but devoted his life to God (thats a higher power of your choice, not say an Irish Catholic God),
I am so thankful for this luck, because this wonderful sponsor, taught me there was a spiritual way on offer in AA (nothing this is to do with Jesus bible banging God squad stuff), and I embraced the spiritual way. My life changed in awesome, wonderful ways, things have happened me, that I can only say came from the devine, and I try to had all my life over to God, I try to work away at being a good person on a day by day way, and I do the work, and honest days work, and I do not think of a penny or what i can “make” nor “cash” nor “riches” no more. I know that God will give me what is right for me, when it is right for me, “thy will be done, not mine”, thats what I learned. It is hard to do, but I tell you when I can do this 100%, life is magic! I am so thankful these days for the smallest things in life. Of course it has not been all so easy, sure I still get days of past regret and “poor me what happened to me, the whiz kid of money/business”, but I know how to get rid of those unserving ungrateful thoughts. I ask me new friend up satirs, who I once though His name was MONEY, I ask God, I say sory of Rocky (sly stallone style) “You buddy, its me, gimme a dig out, your all powerful, remove this nagging bad thinking,and thanks for keeping me off the booze today” and within minutes I feel happy again. Sure I might earn a few quid in time, and if I do great, and if I do not, I could not give a toss. I am too happy to care, and I always believe God, will see me ok regardless.
So to me success these days, is very very different, as per Geoffs post up above…
“why are some people successful & happy, and some are not?”
Well as you can, see for me now, I drive a 100cc motorbike, I love coming from a early morning Muay Thai session in Sityodtong Camp outside Pattaya, riding in the hot sun before 9am, smelling in the thai countryside smell, so so happy I am alive and feel great, and another day sober, waking up to do Muay Thai, and not a hangover and “what happened my knuckles last night”, (thinking ever car outside back then was the Dublin cops coming to arrest me for fighting.). Now another day sober and happy, is a million times better for me that winning that European Lotto thing. I bet the lotto winner does not experience my true happiness and success feeling.
I could not give 2 purple fooks, if I never drive a Ferrari, command an open plan office of 100 top sales people, all working for me, in my 1000 bucks Kenzo suit. Also I wish the money man, who wants what I wrongky figured was the only possible “Success” on the face of the planet (if you cannot figure it out by now, I mean, TONS OF FOOKING DOSH), yes I wish the young bull well, I hope he gets it, and does not make it God.
Me, if sometime happens in the future, I am 35 and young, who knows maybe big business may come some day, and if it does not, I am as happy as ever. I work into Ireland doing what I used to do, I do good, but I rarely look at the bank balance, I go to AA, I do Muay Thai, enjoy the simple things in life, (I laugh at VIP nightclubs, once I was the god of the VIP gold card night clubs, and the 10,000s euro I must have blown in them), you could not pay me to one. I teach Krav Maga but a RBSD with contact real to life style of KM in Pattaya to beginners.
Yes my friend, success, has taken on a very very knew meaning to me these days. Life is good! Maybe some people on the outside, who knew me when I was the Young Gun in Biz, think I failed, when I slipped down. Me, see, in my ripened old age of 35, I will let you in on a wee secret, when I had it all, all I wanted back then, the money, chicks, cars, business, ego, clothes, holidays, I taught life could not be better… now I realise deep down, if I am 100% open and honest, I was not truely happy at all, in fact at the peak of it, some how I was unhappy! Amazing how life goes. You know, I am grateful I went through, a booze problem, and when things went down a black hole, became an Alocholic, because the new way I learned in AA, of spiritual, of a Higher Power (God I call him, we all got our own idea on this) who looks after you…if you ask, and just a happy thankful feeling for the simple life and escape I had in a new country with no horrible irish rain, all the pain of the past was worth it, to come out this side, sober, alive, and in my mind very quietly, I have found true “Success” and Happiness.
Apologies, for hijacking the blog or boring anyone, but I feel my story, is a true answer in my way to the OP. And maybe, anyone who has a booze problem etc, like me… you can see, there is lots of light at end of tunnel if you want it!
God Bless
Gerry
Drop my an see my new just started virgin blog on my self defense musing in thailand, it has just started, so might take a while to build.
http://kravmagathailand.blogspot.com/