Many years ago someone wrote me a letter suggesting that I ban one of the guest writers from my web page. He’d been outed by the newspapers as a liar and the ‘letter writer’ felt his presence on my page somehow condoned what he had done, and therefore threatened the integrity of my work. In other words, it threatened my integrity. I thought about this for about thirty seconds and came to the conclusion that allowing this man (a very old and dear friend) a presence on my site would not threaten my integrity at all, what would really threaten my integrity would be kicking him off when there were so many others liars, thieves, adulterers, hypocrites, judges, fornicators, gluttons etc. thirsting over my material for a little spiritual quench.
What I am saying is this: If I banned everyone on my site that had made a mistake I’d have no one left. I’d actually have to ban myself, because my own failings were much greater than his. In my time I have been a thief, an adulterer, a big fat liar, a seething hypocrite, a judge of men, a fornicator of the first order and a greedy glutton.
We have all fucked up at some point. No doubt.
Me more than most.
But I am not ashamed of my past, rather I am proud of my return. There is great potential in sin, if we use it as a fertilizer for growth. Luther actually went as far as to say that God only dwelled in sinners. David C Doel in his book That Glorious Liberty says ‘the actual recognition that one is in a condition of sin is the necessary pre-requisite, the absolute condition, for the receiving of the gospel as ‘good news’.
In other words, being in sin (or error) is never the problem, it is being in denial of sin that causes us harm, because the dark that we do not acknowledge, is the dark that creates chaos in our lives. It is when we assimilate these shadows into an integral whole (Holiness, or wholeness) within the psyche that they are able to find creative expression in the world.
This is why I always congratulate people when they turn away from their very dark past, and why I always inform people with a traumatic history that they are sitting on a mine of gold. Imagine what you can create when you turn that reservoir of negativity into a creative energy for the good, an empire is awaiting those that can take the lead of error and transmute it into gold.
This is how I live my life. I have erred. I have been in hundreds of physical fights, I have stolen, I have lied, I have broken nearly every commandment and felt at times that there was no way back for me. But when I turned towards good, It raced towards me. And the shit that I had been displacing into a decade of depravity and violence turned out to be very rich soil for my future success.
One of the things (I have found) that stops people from really living and creating and thriving (in the now and for the future) is their past.
Or rather, the dark nature of their past.
But we all have a past.
Not everyone wants to admit it but we all have errors in our history, some of more than others, and in our erring, many of us have become stuck. If we have hurt others, if we have been criminals, if we have lied, cheated, or even killed, who are we to change and become better, happier and more successful people?
Who are we not to be?
Nelson Mandela was a terrorist.
Ghandi was a sex addict who visited prostitutes.
St Paul (formerly Saul of Tarsus) condemned and murdered Christians.
Jacob was a self interested entrepreneur.
Paul had his moment of clarity on the road to Damascus after killing many people, David and Moses were both murderers, but they all still found favour with good, and showed that you can commit the most heinous crimes ‘and yet, still, unwittingly, fulfil the purposes of God’ (David C Doel).
In Talmudic traditions these people are known as the Masters of Return ‘…one who, not ashamed of having sinned, and proud of the accomplishment of return, stood higher than the angels.’
Higher than the angels!
Now that is inspiring.
This revered place (it was said) was reserved only for the masters of return. Even the completely righteous could not attain such elevation.
‘Where sin abounded, grace abounded even more abundantly.’
How exciting. What this tells us is that we are all invited to the great party. And the prodigal son will be first in the line.
What I have learned from my own life and what I know is this: I doesn’t matter what you’ve done or haven’t done, we are not concerned about your level of sin or the height of your righteousness, we have no interest in the fact that you are thieves, adulterers, liars, hypocrites, judges, fornicators or gluttons, and no one is impressed by your health, your wealth or your wherewithal. If you come from old money, new money or no money, it is of no consequence. All we are interested in is the fact that you (me all of us) are sat in the middle of an abundant universe that – like the Delorion in Back To The Future – can use anything as fuel, it can use everything as fuel.
Once we recognise that ALL is fuel, we can stop holding ourselves back, because we feel unworthy of goodness, and we can convert the old, the used and the abused into massive success.
Who are we to be great?
Who are we not to be?
Be well.
Geoff Thompson